Alright…You Picked It! And this one was really, really close. Who am I kidding, this one wasn’t even fair. The winner blew away the competition. The album that one was Captain Beefheart’s ‘Trout Mask Replica which is one I’d never heard before and honestly, don’t think I ever want to hear again, but more on that later. The votes were as follows:
- Captain Beefheart – ‘Trout Mask Replica – 13 votes
- Iron Maiden – ‘Senjutsu’ – 3 votes
- Dr. John – ‘Gris-gris’ – 2 votes
- Neal Schon – ‘Late Nite’ – 2 votes
- U2 – ‘The Joshua Tree’ – 1 Vote
Thanks to all for participating. The October choices will be up on Saturday!
CAPTAIN BEEFHEART & HIS MAGIC BAND – ‘TROUT MASK REPLICA’
I’m really not sure where to begin with this album. To say I’ve never heard anything like Captain Beefheart & His Magic Band’s ‘Trout Mask Replica’ wouldn’t be a lie…but it also wouldn’t be a good thing. The album came out back on June 16, 1969 only about 6 months after I was born. It combines elements of Experimental Rock, Avant Garde, Blues, Free Jazz, but did anyone ask if those things should be joined in to one. I think that would’ve been a great question to actually ask and be answered by someone that wasn’t doing a massive amount of psychedelic, mind-altering drugs. Frank Zappa produced it so I am sure he wouldn’t have been the right person to ask.
To say this was the most challenging album I’ve ever heard would also be an understatement. I know people think this is the most enlightning, inspiring album they’ve ever heard. An album so unconventional that it inspired countless musicians, but holy shit, did I listen to the same album as everyone else. I’m not sure I did. The only thing that it inspired me to do was cry, I mean totally loud, ugly cry, curled up in a fetal position in the corner kind of cry. I’m not saying the album is bad, but I know someone that literally had a seizure while listening to it… A SEIZURE!!! If that doesn’t it sum it up for you, I don’t know what will.
The album has 28 songs on it…songs…I am not sure that word is accurate. There are 28 tracks on it, that might simplify it. It is an album that is over 78 minutes long and that is time I will never get back and I listened to the album 3 times so do the math. I normally listen to an album 6 times before I review it, why 6, I have no idea. But I felt for my health and the health and safety of those around me, 3 times was more than enough because the album didn’t get better with each listen, instead I became more and more mentally unhinged and unstable so I had to stop.
I personally like my life to be somewhat structured and I like my music to have structure as well. Verses, bridges, choruses and such. I’m not asking for much. But what I got sounded like a bunch of guys stoned off their ass, never have a played a lick of music in their life and as they walked in to a room they saw some instruments lying around haphazardly on the floor. They picked them up and each one of them started to play a song, but nobody said which song to play so they all played a different song at the same time. The one totally shit-faced dude picked up the microphone and started singing. The problem was this guy couldn’t carry a tune if he had two buckets. He had that raspy, too many cigarettes and alcohol type of vocals that are from someone that has been through more in life than most people.
There were songs with music, there were spoken word songs and there were songs that I am not sure can legally be classified as songs or even music. The spoken word pieces sounded like Mr. Beefheart (Don Van Vliet) made up the lyrics as he went. He didn’t seem to have a clue what he was going to say and if he messed up, he would try the line again and they would keep going. No editing, no cleaning up, just leaving it as is for all the world to hear the mistakes. Hell, there is even a song called “Old Fart at Play” where they actually talk about farting. I mean seriously..WTF!!
The album had no direction, no two songs were alike (which is actually pretty damn impressive) and I found myself sitting there, jaw wide open wondering what I was listening to through my speakers. I kept thinking that this is a critical darling, they really like this stuff. I think critics rave about this album because they are too afraid to say they don’t get it as they might look stupid…but I’m not afraid. I don’t get it, I’m stupid, but what a pile of shit this album is. This ain’t music, it is a bunch of random noise pieced together and called art. Well, I can piece a bunch of my dog Bear’s shit together but that don’t mean it is art. I wish I had a lower score than 0, but I don’t. I give this a 0.0 out of 5.0 Stars. I am sorry, I don’t get it…AT ALL!!
Thanks to all of you who voted for this song and putting me through hell for several hours. I owe you one…so if you are walking down the street and someone punches you in the face, know that came from me!!! But with Love!!